The first half of 2018 has been a bit of a rollercoaster. And not a good rollercoaster, like Air at Alton Towers, which is fucking amazing – more like a really shit rollercoaster that’s bumpy and terrifying and never ending and also on fire. And the queue for it was really long.
Okay, that’s a bit dramatic, but the past few months have been symptomatic of a sort of quarter life crisis in which certain things haven’t gone the way I’d expected or planned, and consequently my inability to make a decision about what to do next in life has gone all the way through the roof and up into space. (Bit dramatic again sorry lol x)
To give you a bit of context, I finished some travelling a year ago, moved back in with my parents, and did some temp work for a bit before getting a job in marketing. Everything was going fine until I realised I wasn’t actually doing fine, for a number of reasons, and I eventually decided it was time to hand my notice in. That was a month ago, and the slow meltdown of my anxiety-riddled brain that had already started when I realised things weren’t going to plan went to a whole new level of meltdown:
Do I get another career type job straight away and earn some more money so my savings don’t amount to £2.64? Do I get a part time job for a bit while I figure out what the hell I want to do next? Or do I follow the holy millennial mantra of YOLO and pack my bags and get on a cheap flight to literally anywhere in the world right this second? At risk of sounding like I’m ranting on about an incredibly first world problem, it felt like there were an overwhelming amount of options I could consider and work towards as my next step for my 20s, and it was driving me crazy trying to decide which one would be the right way to go. I tried to make a list to organise all my thoughts, and it looked a little bit like this:
After going round and round in circles in my head, I eventually ended up going for the latter option by booking a one way flight to Berlin next month for a solo trip across Europe – and I’m SO EXCITED to be getting back on the road again. I know they say you shouldn’t use travel to escape your problems, but I just want to get away from ‘normal’ life and routine for a while – it was starting to suffocate me a bit. (I’m so bad at staying in one place for too long help lol x)
While I’m obviously really excited about going and ticking a few more places off my bucket list, I spent a lot of time wondering if I’d massively regret giving everything up to go backpacking with no clear plan for what the hell to do afterwards. But then I remembered that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing most of the time anyway, so why not be doing the exact same thing but against the much more exciting backdrop of Berlin’s groovy streets, a hipster ruin bar in Budapest, or on a hill overlooking Lake Bled?
So, to carry on my terrible rollercoaster analogy that I started at the beginning of this blog post and then forgot about, here’s hoping that the first half of 2018 was just the bit at the start of the ride where you’re going up the track and you aren’t sure what to expect and you wonder if you’ve made a huge mistake getting on it, and the second half is the bit when you’re actually going round having a bloody fantastic time screaming your tits off with joy.
Note to self: Work on your analogy use x